Letting Go: A Not-so-romantic Affair

Disclaimer: This post was from the Tumblr Microblog Project originally posted 4 months ago.


Today, I’m letting my other half go.

It was a hard decision. I thought the other half was a perfect fit, and we would make a good pair.

I was excited.

The beginning was okay, far from perfect, but getting there. The other half wasn’t my ideal type but I didn’t demand for change because experience has taught me that making the relationship work is synonymous to accepting the person for who he/she is.

We were steady.

I remember how we would eat out and we were both quiet. How the other half kept the smoking habits from me like I have anything bad to say about people smoking. How the other half would jokingly invite everyone for a drink and then point names on who should pay the bills.

I expected a lot.

Then one day, all the lies came in like tidal waves. At first I was in denial. That was fast! We haven’t been together for a month right?

I looked for excuses within those lies. Maybe I was just overthinking.

But lies seem to have tongues of their own, back stabbing the liar who spoke them. Proofs came in one by one. The stalker that I am just aggravated the situation.

I demanded.

I asked for explanations, the other person gave more lies. The last time I remember, I was talking about the other half badly in front of everyone - which I know is bad, and which I feel terribly sorry for.

Doubts showered me upon introspection.

Who was at fault? Was it me because I failed to look beyond what the eyes see because I was blinded by my needs? Was it that person consciously hid the venomous fangs to save the deadly bite for later?

In the end, the other half stopped communicating. The other half stopped showing up. For some reason I felt used. I offered something in exchange for a commitment, but perhaps the other half doesn’t like trading. Eventually I got tired.

It wasn’t a love affair, but it still feels bad. It wasn’t a love affair, but in context, the relationship is like one.

PS:
After typing this, the author shouts: “Next applicant please!”

Reading Matters: Advance Birthday Gift #2

My 21st year may soon come to a close, but my love for books won't

Last Saturday, I, along with some colleagues, were able to drop by the 35th Manila International Book Fair at the SMX Convention Center, SM Mall of Asia, Pasay City. Of course, you know what happened next.

I spent bucks on books. I'm not telling how much but I'm assuring that it was a really good deal for 8 titles. It's a good addition to my birthday gift bucket.

Below are the titles I got:

1-2. Isang Napakalaking Kaastigan & A-Side / B-Side (Vlad Bautista Gonzales) - Bought this because of the author. He was one of those frequently recommended professors by my peers in UP but no matter how hard I tried, I didn't get any chance of winning a slot in any of his classes. By the time of writing, I am reading Isang Napakalaking Kaastigan and enjoying the collection of short stories. Oh, and his writing actually reminds me of Bob Ong. Actually, there are circulating rumors that Sir Vlad, is indeed, Bob Ong - but I guess we'll never know.

3. Para Kay B (Ricky Lee) - Finally! No need to discuss why I bought this. Ricky Lee is Ricky Lee.

4. Manila Noir (Jessica Hagedorn, Ed.) - Part of the Noir series by Akashic books, the fact that its setting is Manila makes it more interesting. Aside from that, I personally like the list of contributors; Lourd de Veyra, Budjette Tan, Jose Dalisay, etc. Lastly, who would say no to the concept of noir?

5. Parang Kayo, Pero Hindi (Noreen Capili) - Yeah, it may be one of those Wattpad books, but the #whogoats are definitely strong on this one! (Fact: I already have a list of friends who want to borrow the book after I finish reading it. Yeah, because #whogoats)

6. The Lost World (Michael Crichton) - An addition to my Crichton collection (not much of a fan but grew up reading his books), The Lost World, as we all know, is about dinosaurs - and dinosaurs interest me. This book is also the cheapest of the bunch (and the only foreign lit) as I got this for only 10 pesos.

7. Tonio Tikbalang, Vol. 3 (Jake Vicente) - Some would notice the resemblance of the book to Trese series, since the story also involves creatures of the underworld thriving with society. though Tonio Tikbalang is a bit comical in content.

The last title was actually bought 1 week before the MIBF, but I might as well include it here.

8. Ang 13 Pasaway (Jun Cruz Reyes, Ed.) - Powerhouse list of contributors! If you don't have a copy yet, I suggest you get one! I got my copy at Fully Booked Mall of Asia. Also, can I stress how much I love Fully Booked for having copies of this? I usually check National Bookstore for my Phil. Lit. needs, so it was surprising for me to see this book on the shelves of Fully Booked. I really hope they'll sell more Filipino titles soon!

Great bunch, right? Now take a look at this stack of books I need to read:

Happy reading to me, indeed!

Ang Ipis na Lumalangoy sa Asido

Q: Kung ipis ka, bakit sa lahat ng pwede mong languyan ay itong asidong ito?

Hindi rin alam nung ipis. Sa totoo lang, kung may choice din naman ito ay mas gugustuhin niyang maambunan ng Baygon na ginagamit pamatay nung babae sa counter na matagal na nilang tinataguan ng kaniyang mga repa. Ibang klase na rin naman ang Baygon sa ngayon, hindi na nangangalingasaw na parang kimikal, amoy citrus na! Kaya kung sakali mang matepok ka rito ay para ka na ring pinabanguhan bago dalhin sa iyong huling hantungan - ang basurahan. Mas mabuti nga rin sigurong mahampas ng tsinelas at mag-play dead, for more chances of living.

Pero hindi 'yun ang kapalaran ng ipis na ito. sa hindi niya ring malamang dahilan ay napadpad siya sa isang madilim at mamasa-masang lugar, kung saan naramadaman niya ang likidong unti-unting bumabalot sa kaniyang katawan - mula sa maliliit nitong paa, sa antennae, hanggang sa maninipis nitong pakpak. Hindi na siya sigurado kung mainit o malamig sa lugar na iyon, dahil sa likidong pumapaso sa pagka-insekto nito. Kakaiba ang pakiramdam - di hamak na mas matindi ito sa Baygon nung babae sa counter.

Hindi ganito ka-vivid ang memorya ng ipis sa kung ano ang nangyari. Ang huli lang niyang natatandaan ay ang kaniyang pamamasyal sa tabi ng lutuan nitong babae sa counter. Nakabibighani kasi ang amoy ng kaniyang nilulutong burger, mga apat iyon. Sa pamamasyal ay napaisip siya kung gaano sila kaswerte ng kanyang mga repa - napakalapit nga naman sa source of food ang kanilang lungga. Kaunting lingat lang ng babae sa counter ay maaari na nilang atakihin ang kung anumang tira sa luto nito - maliliit na piraso ng burger, bread crumbs, kaunting thousand island dressing, rapsa! Dapat nga lang maging maingat, dahil ang kung sinumang mahuli ay tiyak na maaambunan ng amoy citrus na Baygon ng babaeng ito.

Hindi ugali ng ipis na ito na mamasyal habang nandito pa ang babae sa counter. Mas gusto kasi nilang magkukumpare na sa gabi na lang umatake, pagkauwi nung babae sa counter. Madilim man, wala namang kalaban. Hindi naman nila habol ang tira-tira dun sa lutuan sapagkat dun sila dumidiretso sa lalagyan ng ingredients nung babae sa pagluluto ng burger. Hindi talaga ugali ng ipis na ito na mamasyal habang nandito pa ang babae sa counter, hindi rin niya alam kung bakit niya ginawa 'yun. Siguro nga'y pag panahon mo na, panahon mo na.

Sa mga huling sandali ng ipis na ito, nag-flashback ang buong buhay niya. Itong huling pamamasyal, lahat ng escapades nilang mare-repa sa dilim, ang kanilang paninilip sa babae sa counter, pagtikim ng hilaw na burger, medyo lutong burger, sunog na burger at kung anu-ano pa. Naisip din niya ang kanyang pamilyang naghihintay sa kaniya. Hindi nila alam kung anong nangyari dahil paniguradong hindi na nila makikita ang kanyang bangkay - unti-unti na kasing tinutunaw ng asido ang kanyang maliit na katawan. Sinubukan niyang igalaw ang kaniyang mga paa, pero hindi na niya ito maramdaman. Sa huli'y hinayaan na lang niya ang kaniyang sariling lumangoy sa asido, sabay sabi ng kaniyang pamamaalam sa mundong ibabaw.

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Hindi ko alam kung paano naatim ng tiyan kong kainin ang burger na 'yun. Hindi ko rin alam kung papaano naaatim ng babae sa counter na manatili sa maruming lugar na 'yun. Katakawan siguro 'to, sayang din kasi yung tatlumpung pisong cheeseburger, buy 1 take 1 na.

Reading Matters: The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger

Here's a confession, don't get sore about it - I just finished reading J. D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye.

I know this book is not everyone's cup of tea, and a lot have also expressed hatred towards the protagonist, Holden Caulfield, and the book in general, but to be honest, I liked it. I don't know if it's a good thing - relating to Holden's twisted sense of perceiving the world and all, but for me, it's an assurance that I am just about as normal, or not. I can relate to Holden sometimes, but I can also list down a lot of things I don't like about him. If he's actually existing, I'd probably despise his attitude, but then propose a marriage to some of his philosophical views (read: some). I am sure Holden is quite depressing himself too, and that's the reason why he is the catcher in the rye - seeing how much he wanted to catch his little sister, Phoebe, from becoming another him - a wrecked kid due to the stresses put on to him by his past misadventures, his parents, the academe, among others. In a powerful metaphor delivered by Salinger, Holden compared his thoughts on ideal child rearing to a carousel ride.

"All the kids kept trying to grab for the gold ring, and so was old Phoebe, and I was sort of afraid she'd fall off the goddam horse, but I didn't say anything or do anything. The thing with kids is, if they want to grab for the gold ring, you have to let them do it, and not say anything. If they fall off, they fall off, but it's bad if you say anything to them." (page 211)

Love him or hate him, admit it, Holden's connection to you made you react that way - and Salinger effectively did his job.

As for the people who are lashing on Holden's exaggerated profanities and overused phrases - aren't we the same? Do you expect a well-written consciousness? Given that this is Holden's mind being put to words, I don't see anything wrong. It's not that I do this when I speak to people, but I do overuse the word "shit" and "what" in my head. We all have those cliche' expressions and complex or crude thoughts we'd rather not expose. I honestly think my mind can come up with a more twisted book than this. I'm not kidding.

If there's one thing that upsets me right now, it's the fact that this book is highly relate-able. Some who have read it during their teens have an entirely different perception of it now. Does this mean I'm still immature, rebellious and full of angst? Does this mean I am not through with the coming of age phase? Am I bizarre? With these questions in mind, I'm looking forward to the day I'll be able to re-read this and have my views challenged again.

To sum things up, this book is insightful and quite intellectual, though not stellar, I'm still happy to recommend this.

Advance Birthday Gift

Everyone take a look, I got something!

Yes, I got a ukulele.

After giving up on my guitar that has yet to be fixed, and giving in to the constant demands of people, I've decided to join the hipster circle.

Guess what? I got that second hand tropical fruit themed Mahalo ukulele online for only $20, from the original $50 price, and it comes with a gig bag, a pick and a tuner. It was definitely a good deal since Mahalo is a decent ukulele brand and the instrument itself doesn't look like a pass-on item at all - works and looks perfect - aside from a few scratches.

As someone who knows how to play the guitar, studying how to play the ukulele is no big deal. The only trouble would be memorizing the chords, but the rest is just as similar. I honestly think playing the ukulele is easier, since you only have to maneuver your fingers over four strings and smaller frets, so I would highly suggest this to friends who'd like to try an instrument. Nonetheless, first timer or not, a ukulele is a good stepping stone to the string family.

PS: My birthday would be in a few weeks! How about some gifts?

My First Attempt in Traditional Art

We dry deluged hearts,
drenched from the storm, seeking warmth
'til we love again.

Ranger Chronicles: Mt. Batulao Hike

This year, I did something I've always wanted to do for so long - mountain hiking!

Planning the first hike wasn't easy. Other than the usual first-timer whims and doubts, my mom doesn't want me to hike due to the pronounced smell of danger. Second, I'm a 6-day work slave which makes weekend trips difficult. It's either I take a Saturday off or suffer a busy, after-hike Monday with sore limbs.

But alas, the odds were in my favor! I was able to work on a solid plan and the Mt. Batulao (click the link for more info about Mt. Batulao by Pinoy Mountaineer) hike pushed through.

Batulao's charm is working on you, right? © Pinoy Mountaineer

It was a dayhike traverse. Elie, a friend who's also into hiking, accompanied me. We chose Batulao because it's a good training hike for beginners and the mountain itself is one big spectacle. The peaks are like jagged teeth and a 360-degree view of Batangas and its neighboring towns are present almost all throughout the trail. The moment you see it in pictures, a part of you would definitely wish to be there.

Before the hike proper, I made a pact with myself:
1. I will finish the hike no matter what it takes.
2. I'll ask for minimal assistance from my buddy.
3. I'll never let my buddy bring my things.
4. I'll return home... ALIVE.

I was nervous - I have no prior experience and I'm not a very active person. To make it worse, I brought a tote bag instead of a backpack because I sneaked out of home (my mom eventually found out but that's a different story).

Elie and I met in Tagaytay, had breakfast and headed to Evercrest. Instead of hailing a tricycle that would take us to the jump-off point, we decided to just walk and start the trek from there (itinerary below).

We started with a normal pace. I was adjusting, trying to feel the friction between the fine, loose soil and my rubber shoes. Majority of the mountain is not shaded, making its trails exposed to the scorching sun - you'll thank the heavens for sunblock.

Mountain Dew in the mountains

The trail is well established and is not confusing, but sometimes gets dreadfully narrow and steep (at least for me). The first few peaks are pretty straightforward consisting of continuous ups and downs. Tired hikers can always seek refuge in the huts where locals sell coconut juice and Mountain Dew (very mountain-ey!) for a few padded bucks.

After Peak 8, hikers will encounter a shaded portion which leads to a rock formation from which the name Batulao (Bato sa Ilaw) came from. The assault to the peak continues as we got back to the tree-less trail. By that time, I swear my legs were already wobbly. I remember holding on to anything I could, even squatting when nothing's out of reach. Elie would usually ask me if I'm okay and he wouldn't get any response from the enervated me. He just blurted out a "Alam mo, ako ang natatakot sa hakbang mo."

But heck,my fighting spirit was higher than this mountain! Adrenaline kicked in and I eventually made my way to the summit after scrambling and gripping on to ropes. No matter how tiring the ascent was *cue Miley Cyrus' song*, the view at the summit was breathtaking - I'd run out of adjectives to describe it.

Aside from the muscle-wrecking experience and the grandeur of the summit, there are little things about Batulao that fascinated and disappointed me:

Familiar? No, that's not the tree from the Korean hit movie My Sassy Girl, but I must say that's one good substitute. Upon seeing the tree, I got excited to sit under it! I was so close in doing so.... BUT IT RAINED. We stayed under the tree just to open a frigging umbrella and ran to the nearest hut. Guess what? After a few minutes of walking, we found out that it didn't rain anywhere else. Nice play weather.


Batulao is one abused and commercialized mountain. When we went there, a group of men had burned a portion of the mountain down making the trail dry and barren. Also, who would've thought that you could buy drinks at the summit? As much as we're trying to avoid using the mountain for profit, who could resist sugar in their veins?

Elie and I had our super late lunch at one of the carinderias in jump-off point where I got to talk to this little kid. I asked her whether she'd like to climb Batulao when she grows up and she replied with a firm no. Why? It's because she saw the body of the ill-fated hiker who fell to her death last 2012. This is not to scare first timers as this is one isolated case. However, let this be a reminder that we should always be careful and follow safety precautions to avoid accidents.

One basic mountaineering etiquette is to greet everyone you'll meet in the trail. Say a pleasant greeting to the locals and send encouragement to fellow hikers.

Lastly, always keep in mind the golden rule when climbing mountains: "Leave nothing but footprints, kill nothing but time, take nothing but pictures, keep nothing but memories."

'Til next climb!




*This is the hike's itinerary:
0500 - 0700 - Travel from Cavite City - Tagaytay City
0700 - 0730 - Meet Elie at 711 Tagaytay
0730 - 0800 - Breakfast at Jollibee Olivarez (Tagaytay Junction)
0800 - 0830 - Travel from Tagaytay City - Nasugbu (Evercrest)
0830 - 0900 - Walk from Evercrest up to jump off point.
0900 - 1230 - Ascent via New Trail
1230 - 1330 - Summit.
1330 - 1630 - Descent via Old Trail
1630 - 1700 - Late late late late lunch
1700 - 1800 - Wash up
1800 - 2100 - Travel from Nasugbu - Cavite City. Home sweet home!