The Last Hello

November 3, 2012

"Hello?"

"Andyan ba si Nica?"

"Uhm, yep. Nica, boyfriend mo to diba?"


That was the first time I heard his voice - his first hello.

"Napagkamalan kang lalaki ni Mhavs. Sam ba naman kasi 'yung pangalan mo. Ang kulit. Kung hindi pa narinig 'yung boses mo hindi pa maniniwala. Andun daw sa amin eh. Gusto mo makilala?"

"Sige."

He was my best friend's boyfriend. Since I rarely see my best friend ever since I went to college and work, we weren't able to update much about ourselves, and I consider not meeting his boyfriend a lag in our relationship.

"Hello."

"Mhavs, si Sam, best friend ko. Sam, si Mhavs."

"Hi."

He gave me a high five. He's nice and good looking - I thought, but not my type. I and my best friend's types when it comes to men are total opposites. Although we both fall for handsome men, I usually go for the ultra pretty boys while she clings to the bad boy types.

But who am I to interfere with my best friend's feelings? As long as she's with someone who'll take good care of her, I'm okay with that. And besides, based from her stories, Mhavs is indeed a nice guy. Their relationship is legal. Mhavs parents like her and what's most important, Mhavs loves her a lot - to the point that sometimes, she gets a little irritated with Mhavs' clinginess. Irritated in a funny way that she nags about how her boyfriend wants the two of them to share the same plate when eating.

I guess my best friend will be happy with him, and I'm more than happy for her.



November 13, 2012,

"Boi, patay na bf ko."

There was no hello, but silence.

"Ha? Hala?"

I realized my reply was as bad as bullshit. It wasn't comforting, it was more of like.. doubting. Maybe because I was in denial or for some time I thought she was joking, which is natural of her, but she's not.

"Oo boi. Naaksidente sa motor."

Then it hit me, she wasn't joking. I wasn't close to Mhavs yet, but I wasn't oblivious of the pain. It was a rare kind of pain, but it was stinging.

My best friend is in deep pain, but knowing her and her personality which is a ton stronger than mine, I know she will surpass all of these. The recovery of losing someone eternally would surely last longer than moving on from a break up, but definitely possible.

And the situation just shows how short life is. I was shocked that he was someone I met just a few days back, and now he's gone. He's even younger than mine. I couldn't remember his voice and his hello anymore, nor I could even recall how his face was since I only saw him under the night's post lamp. My memories of him are never vivid.

The people we meet everyday, always offer them the best hello that we could give. For we will never know, that hello would be our first and last.

So, hello?

To The Person Who Inspired Me To Draw

For some weeks, this title was owned by someone - and it's not you.

I was in deep regret that I forgot that it was you. The things that you do and the sacrifices you had done to be with your beloved pen and canvass. The lines and strokes you make out of passion and experience. How would I be able to forget that, but yes I did.

I was lost for a while, blinded by the gloss of all things mundane. My thirst for affection proved me gullible, and failed to look beyond real intentions. The radiant light emitting from someone and the charm that came with it colored my cheeks a frequent tint of blush - to find out that it's all light, blush and nothing else.

As I start with a few illustrations out of boredom and excitement of trying new things, I remember your childish ideals. I smile at the thought of it, and it makes me feel that I have been doing well in adding fuel to your fire of dreams.

To the person who inspired me draw, I have to be honest that this title will be given back to the person who held it for the past few weeks.

For you never inspired me to draw,

you inspired me to be an artist :)

Stranded

I'm a little bit stranded, but maybe, it won't take a while. The way is not too crowded. In case it receives love, it's more than willing to cling, if it doesn't, the strings aren't too attached.

Talking to the World

"Anong year mo na?" The bantay of the food stall where I bought my super late lunch made the initiative to start the conversation as I sat on one of the stools while waiting for my food.

I don't usually start conversation with strangers, sometimes I wish I have the initiative, but the shy side of me keeps me from doing so. However, I love talking. I love meeting new people, especially those who have a different story from mine.

"Ang laki pala ng UP no. Nung nag-college kasi ako sa Iloilo, ang liit lang ng college namin eh. Dito mas malaki pa sa subdivision." She sat next to me as I started eating. To cut the long story short, she's a newbie here in Manila. She went with her husband and her two-year old son to help with her brother-in-law's computer shop business in Taguig, while she is the bantay of the food stall owned by her brother-in-law in UP.

This isn't the first time I got to hear a story like this. My course in college lets me meet different people from all walks of life; fishermen to juvenile fish divers, activists and even "payed" activists, prostitutes, families of 12 children and others. Everyone has a unique story of their own, tearjerkers and laugh-worthy life stories.

That is why I love the profession I'm planning to enter. Though I may not end up doing the same work in the future if I don't get accepted as a researcher, I will forever treasure the experiences I had while doing research in college. It's our edge among other professions who only measure quantity over quality. You may know how many families live on 300 pesos a day, but knowing their daily activities, witnessing how difficult it is to live that way and being part of it is more fulfilling.  It's like talking to the world that is oblivious to you. A world that others tend to forget because they keep concentrating with their own busy lives while thinking that the world only revolves around them. It is not the way it is.

Our conversation lasted until I finished eating. She was able to tell a lot about herself, her family and her queries about life in the city. As I bid goodbye, I promised that I'll be back to talk with her again. It is a good break from my academic and virtual life; writing thesis, tweeting and blogging. I'll definitely be back not just to grab a bowl of delicious grilled meat, but also to have a bowl of life stories as well.

Man From (My) Mars

Who believes in standards? Yes I do.

Here's my description of a god in my universe, well at least in my own.

1. HE IS ASIAN.

Mario Maurer (Thai Actor)

I rarely fall for the "western" looking guy, (well maybe except for Ed Westwick) and I always prefer the Asian look (even in women). You can trace this down back in my childhood: my first crush was a Japanese neighbor. I wasn't even studying back then (I think?) and I really like this guy living across the street. My parents even have to call him once just so I would be able to take a picture with him (this sucks I know).

I am an avid fan of Asian stuff: culture, music, drama, food, etc. Yes I love places outside Asia especially in Europe but there's this feeling of belonging in Asian culture that makes me want to know about it more. FACT: I took around 20+ units of Asian related subjects in the university (including Philippine related subjects)

I preferred to watch MTV Asian Music Awards than the American version of it before. I got to know Rain and SE7EN before everyone else did (yes, confident).

2. HE SINGS

Not the professional type, but you know, as long as the effort is there, that's A+. I just need someone who will willingly sing some stupid song if I ask him to (because I sing stupid songs too). But of course, if one can sing wonderfully, that's bonus points!

3. HE DANCES

Not the professional level as well. I would honestly go for a crazy dancer. What's a crazy dancer? Here:

If the guy has the guys, that's A+

4. HE PLAYS AT LEAST ONE MUSICAL INSTRUMENT

If he sings well, then he's exempted. Don't you just like someone who'd play a musical piece for you while on a date? Any musical instrument will do, but I seriously go crazy over violinists, drummers and pianists. FACT: All of my past crushes know how to play a musical instrument, and most are drummers. :)

5. HE IS AN ARTIST

An artist in a sense that he may be a photographer, a painter or someone who could draw people and not just stick figures. I just want someone who could perfectly draw my face and send it as a gift to me on my birthday. :)

IU Speed Drawing by DeeKay

6. HE HAS RESPECT FOR HIS / MY FAMILY

If you're someone who doesn't mind what your parents tell you, then get the fuck out off my life. As they say, men who treat their mothers well would most likely treat their girlfriends / wives the same way too. He must not keep our relationship hidden, especially to his parents.

7. HE HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR

BORING MAN = FAIL  

Do I even need to explain this?

8. HE LOVES ADVENTURES / NATURE

In Zambales

He must agree that the moon is the most beautiful thing during the night, walking by the seashore is a worthwhile thing to do and mountains are divine. He should be someone who enjoys a 14 hour trip.

9. HE LOVES ALL GENRES OF MUSIC

From Classical to Metal Rock, he must endure my extreme listening capacity. My playlist is a smorgasbord of songs from different genres, ages and cultures. (I have Muslim songs, and I'm not Muslim)

If he likes East Asian music (Korean, Japanese), that's A+.

10. HE IS SMART

Not intelligent, just smart. I don't need a nerdy guy. I just need someone who has his own opinions about different things and issues. Again,

BORING MAN = FAIL  

11. HE LIKES KIDS AND CUTE THINGS

Yes to father figure!


11. HE WEARS GLASSES

Hihi. Kyouyaaaaa.

Yes people, I fall for the nerdy-looking guy (READ: Looking). I don't know, it makes people look smart (ugh, stereotypes). FACT: My ex-boyfriend used to wear glasses.

So far, those are the things I usually look for in someone, but that doesn't mean one has to have all. I believe in standards, but not in its execution. However, finding your standards takes time. It takes experience to weigh it.

This is the man from my Mars, who's yours?

I Don't Miss You, I Only Think Of You

Original transcript from: http://tieba.baidu.com/p/533902859
Translated from Chinese to English by my lovely Singaporean friend Eunice. Thank you, lovely!


I miss you, but i only think of you and not look for you.

In this silence, I think of you, playing some soothing music,
Your silhouette  is unclear, the features of your face is blur,
but this doesn't affects my emotions while thinking of you.

I don't think of you all the time,
I only think of you when I'm happy.
You are the first person I want to share my happiness with.

I don't think of you all the time,
I only think of you when I'm unhappy.
You are the first person I will want to tell my thoughts to.

I miss you, but I only think of you and not look for you.

I don't think of you all the time,
I only suddenly thought of you when I'm listening to the music,
No whys,
Just because the lyrics of the song seems like its talking about us.

I don't think of you all the time,
I only suddenly thought of you when I wake up in the morning,
No whys,
Just because the person who appeared in my dreams seems like you.

I don't think of you all the time,
I only suddenly thought of you when I'm reading,
No whys,
Just because the main leads in the story seems like me and you.

I really don't think of you all the time,
I only think of you when I do not feel like thinking of you.
It's good like this,

I don't think of you all the time,
I only think of you till my eyes turn teary.

I miss you, but I only think of you and not look for you.

I miss you, but I'm afraid you'll find out, so I dare not and I will not look for you.

I only keep your messages in my phone,
And when I think of you, I take it out and scroll through them meticulously,
and then quietly laugh at them, cry over them.

Back then, in those lonely nights while I waited for your messages,
If they came, my heart gives me a sense of happiness for an unknown reason.
If they don't, I go to bed with bits of bitterness and fall asleep in them.
I miss you, but I'm afraid you'll find out, so I dare not and will not look for you!

In the days where news of you were present or absent,
There is only me giving my all to look for news or stories about you.
I don't think of you all the time.

Missing you....


P.S ---------

I want to kiss the air around you.

Because they kissed you just now.